I have wanted to write this piece for a while, but unsure of what approach to take, the more I think the more I am surprised at the unwritten rules of emotion and control we set upon ourselves. Every one has their own way and advice - how much to give, hide, take away all in order to achieve some sort of a perfect harmony, the thing is – how can you create harmony if you are constantly calculating your feelings?. This article is about honesty, because there is no other truth than the one that lives inside of you.
Yesterday morning, on my way to work I talked with my neighbour, this is a woman who in her 30’s grows more beautiful everyday. But after spending the last four years with an on and off dead end boyfriend, playing weird games she tells me- “I am sick of men” she is sick of the relationship she has had. “He” is not all men. I know this because this is the same woman who once told me she wanted to make love to the father of her children, the hopes are there but the clarity and honesty are blurred.
Not long ago a facebook acquaintance posted a status saying something like “The world is full of little boys and there are not enough men” and I was startled at the amount of thumbs up that response got! - to which I replied “you needed to be a woman to find a man” this was an offer for her to evaluate her approach, first she was furious at my response, understandable. But when the dust settled, she thanked me for my honesty and told me about the horrible experience she had had. All I could say was, it is impossible to continue to follow one path and expect different results, “you think of all men as immature you will have eyes only for immature men and that it is not very mature on your part”.
Sometimes taking a step back allows time for ourselves to see what we are doing, in this era it seems we are always in a rush, it is important to remember that love does not wear a watch. We have to evaluate our actions against our results to achieve the outcome we want. And above all, do not blame all others for the bad choices you make.
For example, if you lived in the middle of nowhere and your tank was empty but you could walk to the nearest petrol station which is an hour away on foot, yet, you choose to not move and complain instead that you can’t travel with your car anywhere. Eventually you become a complainer and die of starvation a slow process which take longer than the hour necessary which holds your solution. If you don’t make an effort when the answer it is right in front of you, you become an alternative person, denying yourself of mobility.
If you don’t exercise your true self by allowing it the expression it craves, and that like anything worth having takes courage and effort, it will become dormant and you might not think it but, it will weigh you down, making you feel heavy and uncorfortable.
Misery loves company; hence you will be surrounded by others who feel the same way and your approach will seem justified. Do not be afraid to let go of anything that is holding you back or not letting you grow. Letting go makes you stronger and it also allows room for new life. Women who constantly have nothing to tell me but their miss adventures with men, tire me out, drain me emotionally; I can’t imagine how they must be feeling.
We must rid and forgive ourselves of grudges but before we can do this we have to understand our errors, move forward and taking with you tools for more progress, be free from the prisons on your mind, get rid of those prisons, the world is challenging enough for you to make it even more uphill.
Take time to get to know yourself, write down what you want, short term and long term, this will hard but do it – let your heart splatter ink onto a paper, shut down the external word and listen to yourself - there is nothing more nutritive than freedom of expression.
Don’t be guided by media or magazines, they don’t have answers any more than you do. Embrace solitude, believe in who you are, if you listen carefully, you will hear you intuition talking. If you chose not to listen you will be become detached from your centre and may settle for anything you can grab on to, because you need something but don’t know what it is. This will be the most painful heartaches you will ever have, the ones that seem never ending - unable to find neither source nor a cure.
Take chances and risks, open your heart but also be your own doctor and healer, don’t be ignorant or deny your emotions – it is a draining road to take, this is all part of living and as inevitable as death, do not limit your potential - do not stand in the way of your dreams. Once you are your own friend, things seem to matter less, your own support in any circumstance will give you the courage and strength necessary to achieve what you want, and you are responsible for your happiness, no one else.
You can predict how long a relationship will last less than you put pressure on it to be perfect, but you can be honest with yourself and this way, never settle for less than you have decided you deserve, in whatever journey you chose to embark. Be safe in the knowledge that you are doing no wrong.
Live with no regrets by doing what your heart desires, because in the end, when you are on your way out of this world all you have to take with you are memories, let those be ones you are satisfied with.
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